7 Avantages à  NE PAS avoir de petite amie

by Ling-en Hsia

in Relations avec les Femmes

je vis mon célibatEtre seul est mal vu dans notre société. Surtout si cela dure depuis longtemps.

Le chômeur sentimental a un problème. S’il est seul c’est qu’il doit être moche, pauvre, incompétent, idiot…

Que ce soit un choix subi ou non, il y a tout de même des avantages à  être célibataire. Et ce n’est pas pour nous rassurer. C’est véridique.

1. Pas de prise de tête

La vie est déjà  assez dure pour une bonne partie des gens. Avoir des prises de tête dont tu es la victime ou l’initiateur peut te plomber ta journée ou ta semaine (ou ta vie). En étant célibataire, tu dis « non » aux crises de jalousies inutiles, à  subir le caractère fluctuant de ta copine 5 jours par mois etc.

2. Pas de montagne russe émotionnel

En couple, ton humeur dépendra en (trop) grande partie de ta relation avec ta copine. Si tu te sens aimé à  un moment donné, tu seras content. Sinon, c’est la déprime. Quand le couple est immature, des petits détails peuvent provoquer de grandes embrouilles. Ne pas avoir de copine c’est avoir une indépendance émotionnel.

3. Etre soi-même

Combien de personnes portent un masque en présence de leur copine de peur de leur déplaire ?

Fais-le test suivant (ou imagine bien fort): Invite ta copine et tes meilleurs potes et passez une soirée ensemble. Te sens-tu à  l’aise ? Te comportes-tu comme d’habitude avec tes amis ? Si non, tu es en train de te renier en sa présence. Pousser à  l’extrême, cela peut même affecter la pleine connaissance de ta personne. A force de « faire des efforts » pour l’autre, tu vas devenir « schizophrène » et mal assumé ta personnalité.

4. Passer du temps avec ses amiEs

L’amitié avec les femmes est quelque chose de très important pour moi. J’ai beaucoup appris à  leur côté et leur écoute m’a beaucoup aidé durant mon adolescence. Avoir une copine, c’est vraissemblablement mettre fin à  des amitiés approfondies avec d’autres filles. C’est donc te détacher de quelque chose de grande valeur.

5. Economiser de l’argent

Quand tu es jeune, au chômage ou en train de commencer un projet entrepreunarial, tu as peu d’argent. Et ce peu d’argent, il est légitime de vouloir le garder pour soi-même.

Voici quelques exemples de choses que tu peux faire avec ton argent:

  • Investir dans ton entreprise
  • Offrir des cadeaux à  tes amis et à  ta famille
  • Prendre soin de toi (habits, équipements ménagers, médicaments…)
  • Te payer des loisirs « utiles » (voyager, livres…)
  • Rembourser tes dettes
Franchement, se forcer à  payer des trucs chics et des restos chers quand on n’a pas les moyens juste pour impressionner sa copine, ça craint…

6. Trainer avec ses potes

Avoir des amis c’est important. Pour soi-même tout d’abord. En cas de problème, le soutien des autres te sera grandement utile. Et si c’est plutôt tes amis qui ont des problèmes, tu peux utiliser ton temps libre pour les accompagner, les aider et discuter avec eux. Certains couples se retirent de leur cercle social. C’est mauvais. Je peux en témoigner. Mais même dans les couples plus sains, le temps qu’on passe avec sa copine, on le soustrait souvent du temps à  passer avec ses amis. Il y a un âge ou des situations dans lesquels il vaut mieux passer plus de temps avec ses proches.

Aussi, fais attention à  la fille qui te fait culpabiliser de regarder des matches de foot et de jouer aux jeux vidéos avec tes amis. Si c’est modéré, c’est tout à  fait légitime. Il n’y a rien de puérile là -dedans.

7. Etudier/Travailler à  l’étranger

Mon ex voulait partir étudier à  l’autre bout du monde et le fait d’être avec moi la gênait dans son plan. Elle ne voulait pas trop s’éloigner, mais en même temps, désirait profondément avoir une expérience en Asie. Finalement, elle a fait le choix de partir et elle a eu totalement raison. Rien de pire que de faire un sacrifice pour une personne qui peut-être ne t’aime même pas vraiment. Ou encore rompre quelques temps après avoir pris la décision (et ne plus pouvoir y revenir dessus).

Et maintenant quoi ?

Voici ce que tu peux faire pour préparer ta future relation avec ta copine/épouse:

  • Etudier. Lire des livres, regarder des vidéos, écouter des fichiers audio (« Singleness is not second class« ).
  • Méditer. Réfléchis à  ce que tu recherches et dont tu as vraiment besoin chez ta future femme.
  • Observer. Que ce soit dans ta famille ou dans ton entourage, regarde bien les raisons de la réussite d’un couple.
  • Demander. Discute avec tes personnes plus expérimentées et apprends auprès d’elles.

Je développerai cela dans un prochain article. Pour ne pas le râter, inscris-toi à  la newsletter ci-dessous.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Yaké juin 9, 2012 à 10 h 30 min

…first ! oui mais il faut faire attention justement aves les filles, car s’il est important d’avoir des amies filles et de trainer avec, ça peut très vite glisser. comme on dit l’amitité est l’antichambre de l’amour… mon expérience m’a fait remarquer que plus tu te fous royalement de tes amies (tu ne leur porte aucun intérêt sentimental) plus il y a de chances qu’elles te trouvent génial. et donc qu’elles, elles en arrivent à  te porter un intérêt sentimental. CQFD la boucle est bouclé, c’est bien les gars détachés qui ont le plus de succès avec les filles…

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Ling-en Hsia juillet 12, 2012 à 11 h 45 min

Hello,

c’est clair qu’un gars qui est « en chaleur » va mettre les filles de son entourage sur la défensive.
Plutôt que de se « foutre royalement de tes amies », je pense que c’est la confiance en soi qu’on peut dégager qui attire les filles.
En général, c’est gars là  ne mettent pas les filles sur un piédestal car ils sont conscients de leur propre valeur.
Et il y a aussi un mécanisme bien connu qui est qu’on désire ce qu’on ne peut pas obtenir.
Quand un mec plutôt bg ne calcule pas trop les filles, inconsciemment, y a du challenge qui se créer dans leur tête :p
Idem pour nous les gars 🙂

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Jalen janvier 27, 2016 à 20 h 49 min

It’s great to find soomnee so on the ball

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Eli juin 10, 2012 à 22 h 41 min

chuis d’accord avec Yaké! les mecs détachés sont ceux qui ont le plus de succès avec les filles… En l’occurrence ici, Ling-en tu ne dis pas que si tu aspires pour autant ou pas, à  être en couple!!???

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Ling-en Hsia juillet 12, 2012 à 11 h 47 min

Hello,

j’ai laissé mon avis sur la question ci-dessus 🙂

Concernant mon désir d’être en couple ou non… c’est devenu plutôt compliqué.

Je sais que je peux vivre sans et que je suis épanoui sans être en couple. Après il est fort probable que je puisse atteidnre de plus grands objectifs dans ma vie en bonne compagnie…

Pour le moment, intellectuellement, je ne suis pas en recherche. Mais comme tous les célibataires, je ne suis pas insensible à  une personne intéressante qui se présenterait devant moi 🙂

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Eli juillet 12, 2012 à 23 h 29 min

OK, c’est noté 😉 Merci pour ta réponse

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