Quand la Bible peut t’aider à  choisir ta future épouse

by Ling-en Hsia

in Relations avec les Femmes

bible trouver femme

La Bible, ringarde sur les sujets contemporains ?

J’ai 26 ans et je suis célibtaire. Et comme tout homme normalement constitué, je réfléchis pas mal sur la question de mon avenir (sentimental).

J’ai fait des erreurs de jeunesse dans le passé. Aujourd’hui, j’en fait beaucoup moins et j’essaye de mener une réflexion le plus en amont possible. J’étudie et je consulte des personnes plus expérimentés que moi.

Je suis aussi chrétien. Et en tant que tel, je cherche non seulement à  écouter mes propres désirs, mais à  comprendre les désirs de mon Père (Dieu) pour moi. Si Dieu existait, il voudrait le meilleur pour moi n’est-ce pas ? Alors c’est mon devoir de rechercher sa volonté.

Les deux passages que j’ai séléctionnés ci-dessous proviennent de textes bibliques.

Ces deux textes traitent très spécifiquement de ce qu’une femme devrait être. On peut donc le comprendre comme les critères qu’on peut utiliser dans notre propre recherche et choix de conjointe.

Nous verrons ces textes bibliques, puis les 15 critères qui en sont tirés:

Les passages bibliques parlant de la femme « idéale »

Notes avant de lire les passages bibliques :

  1. La Bible est constituée de Livres, qui sont divisés en Chapitres et qui sont eux-même divisés en Verset
  2. on dit que les auteurs de la Bible sont inspirés par Dieu. Ce qu’ils écrivent et qui est présent dans la Bible sont donc considérés par les Chrétiens comme étant Parole de Dieu.

Proverbes 31

contexte: Ce sont des maximes que la mère d’un roi (Lemouel) lui a enseignés. Ce sont donc des conseils d’une maman qui se préoccupe de son fils:

10 Heureux celui qui trouve une femme vaillante,
elle a bien plus de prix que des perles précieuses.

11 Son mari a confiance en elle,
il ne manquera pas de biens dans sa maison.

12 Tous les jours de sa vie, elle lui fait du bien,
et non du mal.

13 Elle cherche avec soin du lin et de la laine
et elle les travaille de ses mains diligentes.

14 Comme un vaisseau marchand,
elle amène des vivres de loin en sa demeure.

15 Quand il fait nuit encore, elle est déjà  debout,
préparant pour sa maisonnée ce qu’il faut pour manger
et elle distribue leurs tâches à  toutes ses servantes.

16 Elle pense à  un champ, alors elle l’achète.
Du fruit de son travail, elle plante une vigne.

17 Avec plein d’énergie, elle se met à  l’Å“uvre
et active ses bras.

18 Elle constate que ses affaires marchent bien.
Jusque tard dans la nuit, sa lampe est allumée.

19 Ses mains filent la laine
et ses doigts tissent des vêtements.

20 Elle ouvre largement la main à  l’indigent
et tend les bras au pauvre.

21 Pour elle et tous les siens, peu importe la neige,
car toute sa famille est revêtue de doubles vêtements.

22 Elle se fait des couvertures,
elle a des vêtements de fin lin et de pourpre.

23 Son mari est connu aux portes de la ville.
Car il y siège avec les responsables du pays.

24 Elle tisse elle-même des habits et les vend,
elle fait des ceintures qu’elle cède aux marchands.

25 La force et la splendeur lui servent de parure.
C’est avec le sourire qu’elle envisage l’avenir.

26 Ses paroles sont sages,
elle dispense avec bonté l’enseignement.

27 Elle veille à  la bonne marche de sa maison
et ne se nourrit pas du pain de la paresse.

28 Ses enfants, dès leur lever, la disent bienheureuse,
et son mari aussi fait son éloge:

29 « Il y a bien des filles qui montrent leur valeur,
mais toi, tu les surpasses toutes. »

30 La grâce est décevante et la beauté fugace;
la femme qui révère l’Eternel est digne de louanges.

31 Donnez-lui donc le fruit de son travail!
Qu’on dise ses louanges aux portes de la ville pour tout ce qu’elle fait!

 

1 Pierre 3

Vous de même, femmes, soyez soumise chacune à  son mari, pour que si certains d’entre eux ne croient pas à  la Parole de Dieu, ils soient gagnés à  la foi sans parole, par votre conduite,

en observant votre attitude respectueuse et pure.

Recherchez non pas la beauté que donne une parure extérieure: cheveux habilement tressés, bijoux en or, toilettes élégantes,

mais celle qui émane de l’être intérieur: la beauté impérissable d’un esprit doux et paisible, à  laquelle Dieu attache un grand prix.

Car c’est ainsi que se paraient autrefois les saintes femmes qui plaçaient leur espérance en Dieu, et elles étaient soumises à  leur mari.

Tel était, par exemple, le cas de Sara: dans son obéissance à  *Abraham, elle l’appelait: mon seigneur. C’est d’elle que vous êtes les filles, si vous faites le bien sans vous laisser troubler par aucune crainte.

Vous de même, maris, vivez chacun avec votre femme en faisant preuve de discernement: elles ont une nature plus délicate. Traitez-les avec respect: elles doivent recevoir avec vous la vie que Dieu accorde dans sa grâce. Agissez ainsi afin que rien ne vienne faire obstacle à  vos prières.

Les 15 critères pour choisir la femme « idéale »

(les critères suivants proviennent du passage Proverbes 31, ci-dessous)

1. Forte (versets 10, 25)

2. Inspire confiance (v.11)

3. Prend soin de son mari (v. 12)

4. Travailleuse, Entrepreneuse (v. 13, 16, 17, 18, 19, 24, 27)

5. Consciencieuse, s’occupe de son foyer (v. 15, 21, 27)

6. Généreuse (v. 20)

7. Positive, optimiste (v. 25, 28)

8. Sage (v. 26)

9. Eduque (v. 26)

10. Croyante, Pieuse (v. 30)

 

(les suivants proviennent du passage 1 Pierre 3, ci-dessous)

11. Douce (verset. 1)

12. Respectueuse (v. 2)

13. Pas superficielle (v. 3)

14. Paisible (v. 4)

15. Soumise à  son mari (v. 5) Attention à  ne pas mal interpréter ce terme.

Applications

Aujourd’hui, je suis attiré par une fille. Je ne la connais pas très bien. Je ne sais pas si mes sentiments pour elle se basent sur des éléments légitimes ou c’est juste une amourette comme j’en ai eu des tonnes durant mon adolescence.

Voici donc comment je vais appliquer cette liste:

1. Je me l’applique d’abord à  moi-même. Si je désire une femme qui ait tant de qualités, je ne peux pas me permettre de ne pas être à  la hauteur.

2. Je passe la femme qui m’intéresse au crible selon ces critères. Cela m’aidera à  savoir si elle vaut la peine que je continue à  la courtiser ou non.

Sois idéaliste ET réaliste !

Qu’une chose soit claire: une femme décrite comme dans ces passages n’existe pas. Et même si elle existait, elle serait très certainement pas intéressée par nous. On ne peut donc pas exiger cela de la femme que l’on aime. On ne serait alors jamais satisfait et l’humanité entière s’autoexterminera par l’absence de naissances.

Pour être franc, je ne sais pas exactement où se situe la limite entre être idéaliste et réaliste. Mais une chose est sûre, il vaut mieux être seul que mal accompagné.

Maintenant, ma recommandation serait d’exiger autant que l’on soit en mesure d’exiger.

Si je vaux 5/20, je ne vais pas courtiser une fille qui vaut 15/20. Je cherche d’abord à  atteindre ce minimum de 10/20 et je vais courtiser une fille qui vaut entre 10 et 14.

Si je vaus 15/20, je vais chercher une femme qui vaut entre 12 et 18.

Si tu es intéressé par un point de vue biblique sur la recherche de conjointe, consulte l’excellent A Guy’s guide to marrying well par Boundless.org

Qu’est-ce tu en penses ? Quels sont tes propres critères pour trouver une femme ?

{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }

Eli juin 11, 2012 à 16 h 13 min

Ton article nous met la pression, là  non? Je suis d’accord avec ton application number one mais pas sur la number two. Est-ce que tu renoncerais à  une fille parce qu’elle ne remplirait pas tous les critères?

Maintenant soyons réalistes, comment fait-on lorsqu’en apparence tous les critères sont réunis mais qu’on n’est pas attiré par la personne?
Ou tous les critères ne sont pas réunis mais on est hyper attiré par cette personne?

Personnellement, j’ai fait sauter tous les critères. Aujourd’hui je regarde principalement le coeur… S’il aime Jésus de tout son coeur, le reste suivra même si tous les critères ne seront pas remplis. Je préfère qqn qui ne remplit pas tous les critères mais qui essaie.

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Ling-en Hsia juin 12, 2012 à 23 h 23 min

Hello Eli,

Ben ça met la pression, mais tkt pas, sur ce blog je parlerai de ce que les hommes devont faire pour être à  la hauteur aussi :p

Moi perso, j’ai deux critères seulement:
1. On partage la même foi en Dieu
2. Je la trouve jolie (qui n’est pas pareil que « elle est jolie »…)

« comment fait-on lorsqu’en apparence tous les critères sont réunis mais qu’on n’est pas attiré par la personne? »
Question intéressante.
Soit je remettrai en question la sincèrité de ta liste de critères (vraiment ? Il n’y a que la beauté intérieure qui compte ?)
Soit j’essayerai de passer du temps avec la personne pour mieux la découvrir. Parfois, on croit connaitre une personne en lui disant bonjour une fois par semaine, mais en travaillant avec cette personne et en passant du temps avec elle, des sentiments peuvent naitre (j’en suis témoin).

Réciproquement, si on est attiré par une personne qui ne remplit aucun des critères, soit les critères sont mal choisies, soit on devrait passer un peu plus de temps pour découvrir ses défauts…

Qu’est-ce tu en penses ?

Le fait que tu recherches quelqu’un qui aime Jésus est techniquement un critère… 🙂

J’ai récemment appris justement que la maturité était importante. Etre passionné pour Dieu c’est bien. Vivre une vie pieuse, c’est mieux, mais bien plus difficile…

Par contre chui tout à  fait d’accord avec toi sur le fait que l’effort est la progression est très importante !!!

🙂

Ecoute http://www.boundlessline.org/2012/05/the-spouse-search-episode-226.html sur les lsites de critères…

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Sridar Siva juin 27, 2012 à 2 h 47 min

Salut Ling-en,

Mon seul critère, est qu’elle me correspond, et que je lui correspond également 🙂

Je crois que c’est plutôt une question de « feeling », et que nous soyons dans la même énergie 🙂

Merci pour cet article. J’Aime vraiment ton blog, et ce que tu dégages. Continue de nous faire rêver !

Bien Amicalement,
Sridar

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Ling-en Hsia juin 27, 2012 à 11 h 38 min

Salut Sridar,

correspondre est tellement large et complexe.
Ce que j’ai appris c’est qu’il faut que les deux personnes soient d’accord sur des valeurs fondamentales: spiritualité, mariage, enfants, valeurs, désirs pour le futur etc.

Tout le reste peut se travailler quand les deux font un effort.

Je recommande le livre « les 5 languages de l’amour » http://astore.amazon.fr/espritvif-21/detail/2848992727

Merci beaucoup pour les encouragements !! 🙂

Ling-en

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ludovic décembre 9, 2013 à 7 h 00 min

Merci pour le blog!

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Tiffany décembre 27, 2013 à 14 h 11 min

Je trouve ces passages très justes. Cela me fait penser à ma mère. Il est bien évident qu’ajouter à cela ma mère est quelqu’un de très rigolote et nous savons bien rigoler en famille ! Avec mon père la vie n’est pas toujours rose mais ils nous ont donné beaucoup d’amour du mieux qu’ils pouvaient et ils nous ont toujours poussé vers l’avant. Si on échouait ce n’était pas grave, on aura fait ce qu’on pouvait et l’expérience acquise n’est jamais à jeter.
Moi aussi je suis chrétienne et asiatique. C’est peut être un peu pour ça que je me retrouve dans tes articles, cela me parle beaucoup. J’ai à peu près le même âge que toi.
Comment fais-tu pour tenir ? As-tu trouvé quelqu’un depuis ? J’espère de tout coeur que le fait qu’il n’y ait pas d’articles récents signifient que tu aies trouvé une fille bien.

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http://www./ octobre 23, 2016 à 9 h 25 min

Lisa, what an important blog. I'm so glad you are writing about living in Elijahland, with all it's joys and incredible heartbreak. I look forward to reading more.Thank you, as well, for coming to the Mother Words reading last night and for your sweet comments on my blog! I hope we'll meet in person someday!Best,Kate

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http://www./ novembre 4, 2016 à 8 h 06 min

ΦοβερÏŒ πρÏŒγραμμα, το έχω default player μαζί clementine.Έχεις βρει κάποιο Workaround για το flash?

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http://www./ novembre 5, 2016 à 2 h 17 min

That’s the craziest Cyborg I’ve seen yet!I’ve seen one with just the arms, chest, & head painted (I think this is the most common), just the head/chest painted, and no paint at all, just fully silver. But I’ve never seen the chest only.Odd that none of the other figures seems to have such a crazy variation in production. They again, that’s the only vac-metalized one, so maybe that stage after the VM process was dicey.

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http://urlnet.co/ août 7, 2016 à 20 h 40 min

No podrá arañar mi piel / con sus heladas uñas nunca más / El cielo es una perla hueca… Estamos siempre recordando a El Pecho, pero es que se lo merecen, porque menudos temas hicieron.Yo estoy promocionándolos por aquí, espero que los pinchen en un bar poppie muy frecuentado…

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http://www./ août 8, 2016 à 21 h 06 min

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http://www./ août 9, 2016 à 10 h 47 min

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kreditkarte forum ohne zins octobre 22, 2016 à 17 h 35 min

I`m proud to be a MARIAN atudent because our school (Saint Mary`s College Of Tagum, Inc.)had produced 4 new Eagle Scouts!!!!!Proud to be a member of our school outfit!!!!

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telecharger livres mai 28, 2014 à 11 h 02 min

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Gabby juillet 22, 2016 à 21 h 52 min

In the coicamplted world we live in, it’s good to find simple solutions.

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http://www./ novembre 3, 2016 à 21 h 14 min

Skanvak, vous rigolez lorsque vous dîtes que les musulmans sont la seule religion à avoir soutenue les nazis! Et le Vatican pendant la seconde guerre mondiale ils ont ouvert leurs portes aux juifs ? Doit-on vous rappelez quels sont les pays qui ont déportés les juifs et quelle étaient leur confession ? Les juifs qui vivaient au Maroc pendant cette triste période de l’histoire ont-ils étaient marqués de l’etoile jaune, …

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Runnie juin 30, 2014 à 18 h 35 min

Salut… je viens de lire vos differentes approches sur le choix de la personne ideale mais j’ai une question pour vous…..!
Que faire si vous trouvez la personne convenable dans la priere sous l’orientation de Dieu et que vous en soyez certain de ce choix par diverses signes venant de Dieu… mais que dans la frequentation vous decouvrez qu’il y a incompatibilte de caractere entre vous et votre conjoint…?

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Runnie juin 30, 2014 à 18 h 37 min

J’attends votre reponse sous peu……

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Runnie juin 30, 2014 à 18 h 38 min

Merci deja….. Bon travail

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Theresa juillet 22, 2016 à 22 h 05 min

Son of a gun, this is so heufllp!

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http://siteinfo.space/qoo10.sg septembre 29, 2016 à 4 h 27 min

I wish I could write like you as Margaret Laurence once said “When I say “work” I only mean writing. Everything else is just odd jobs.”

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http://www./ novembre 3, 2016 à 22 h 47 min

Ya learn something new everyday. It’s true I guess!

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http://www./ novembre 4, 2016 à 8 h 58 min

Om de har en pappskiva dÃ¥, hur rengör man bäst dÃ¥ tror du? Ska jag ta bort den? 🙂 Tack för ett bra inlägg, hade jag aldrig tänkt pÃ¥. Vad äckligt egentligen!

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cosmosdirekt hausratversicherung erfahrungsbericht novembre 5, 2016 à 6 h 46 min

Because of what Miko just explained, it is a misnomer to imply that this practice is equivalent to a CA IOU.I remember the "War Bonds" during WWII, which matured in 10 years, when $18.75 magically turned into $25. Even those were not IOU's, as they could be liquidated for $18.75 at any time.Incidentally, I note that CA has begun to return cash for their IOU's.

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axl juillet 14, 2014 à 17 h 55 min

ca aide beaucoup , thanks.

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ismael devinci koffi juillet 18, 2014 à 19 h 52 min

que le seigneur m’aide a faire le bon choix

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carlos septembre 30, 2014 à 9 h 09 min

combien de fois prière pour avoir une fille en mariage et quel verset bibliques lire

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erwan octobre 9, 2014 à 18 h 22 min

Personnellement je pense que le proverbe 31 parle surtout de la relation d’une femme à son mari.Plutôt que de la valeur morale générale de cette femme.
Ma mère qui a d’énormes qualités a aussi des défauts. Elle a un dynamisme rare. Mais elle est aussi parfois odieuse avec les caissières de supermarché.
Mais elle ne partage pas la vie des caissières.Et mon père admire son dynamisme.Elle fait du bien à mon père par son dynamisme.

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referencement google juillet 16, 2016 à 7 h 00 min

GHS TOOLS est un logiciel de positionnement qui vous
permet de contrôler des robots via une interface simple et accessible sur le web.
GHS veut dire Grey Hat SEO car vous avez la possibilité de faire
du white hat mais aussi du black hat seo.

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logiciel de referencement google août 9, 2016 à 18 h 57 min

GHS TOOLS est une application de référencement qui vous
permet de contrôler des robots via une interface simple et disponible sur le web.
GHS signifie Grey Hat SEO parce que vous
pouvez faire du seo white hat mais aussi du black hat.

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